Time, I have so much time, but it is filled with so much right now. When I am not in the middle of doing something I am thinking about what I need to be doing. I am always trying to figure out my next move, the next assignment, the next appointment, the next test. The amount of energy I have is not matching up with the amount of time I spend doing things. My future is so close to me but it feels like a million miles away when I am lacing the energy to do the things I need to do right now.
If only things were more simple, there are so many semantics that go along with every decision and every goal. I want to become a nurse. I want to get my bachelors in Nursing… before I can do that I need to get into the Nursing program, but instead of being able to just apply and go – it has to be difficult, I understand having classes that need to be completed before you can apply, totally, I appreciate that, it makes sure you are serious before you can begin the program… BUT do they really have to only allow you to apply once a YEAR? Because I have ONE class left to finish I can not apply to the Nursing program next month. The program will not start until Summer, by the time I started the program that one last math class will have been done. But because I can’t apply I now have to wait a YEAR, NEXT march to apply. Adding a whole year to my schooling before I can work.
The other option is to try to apply to another school 45 minutes from here, but that has a whole new set of problems, I have to work out the transfer, financial aid, credit transfer, just a lot of hassle. I am going to do it, it is worth it to finish my education a year sooner. But it does not make it any easier to deal with internally. Just so much stuff to work out….
That does not include the house cleaning, organizing, budgeting, a three year old that I swear is a 13 year old me in a tiny little body- so much attitude comes out of that little girl! The biggest blessing is that Joseph started working again, my goodness that has been amazing, the level of stress that cured was outstanding. I was terrified that he wouldn’t find a job- or that the job he did find would have crazy hours, low pay, and be worse than before. But by the grace of God he got his old job back, and it seems to be going well. Normal hours, more pay than unemployment, less stress, ahhhhhhh…..
It will work, I will get a degree, I will stay in school until I do- and I will love every minute of this crazy- stressful life!